identity crisis

Have you ever walked into a room full of people that you don't know but they all seem to know each other? First reaction... find a place that is out of the way where you won't be noticed. The reaction of everyone in the room to your presence... who is that?

"Who is that?" A question used so frequently but rarely is it truly considered just what it means to be a someone and to actually own an identity. That's right, own an identity. That is something that can always be yours. Through thick and thin, good times and bad, either wealthy or poverty stricken your identity can always be yours. Unless, of course, you don't want it. This happens quite frequently. People are given this unique amazing thing called an identity just by being born and then at the first opportunity they give it away. Although, can you blame them? Who wants the burden of carrying your own identity around. Just tie it on a rope and leave it in the harbor, that's your best bet.

Now, I hope that you might have figured out that when I use the term "identity" it is not referring to the little plastic card that you carry in your wallet that allows you to drive a car or buy a beer. I'm talking about the essence of you. What motivates you in the morning to get out of bed, what fills your mind throughout the day and what causes a smile to crack across your face as you enjoy dinner with family or friends. You. The millions of unique characteristics, talents and qualities that make up that beautiful body staring back at you in the mirror. The thoughts, words, and quirky personality allows some people to like you and others hate you. This is YOU.

So at this point you might be wondering, "ok... if your identity is you, how do you give yourself away?" It's pretty easy actually. I see a few different ways that we can walk through this life when it comes to our identity. The first way: We can determine our own thoughts, actions and relationships by our identity. The second way: We can let our thoughts, actions and relationships determine our identity. The difference seems subtle, but it is quite significant. On the one hand we can use our will to make choices that affects our life and the lives of others. On the other hand, we can give ourselves away to an organization, an ideal, a religion or any number of thing and then allow that determine our actions.

So there's a nice little crossroads for you. Should you, A. Determine what you are going to do based off of what you think is best to do? Or will you B. Let other people or things determine for you who you are and what you are going to do.

Well good luck. Until next time, I am Austin. I am Catholic. I am American. I am 21. I am free to choose. This is my identity.

give a little bit of your love to me

From the beginning we demand. We scream for air, we scream for milk and we scream for the soft embrace of strong arms. As we grow up we learn a word that resonates through the ears of everyone around us – “mine.” Whatever stands in front of us instantly comes into our possession without even a second thought. We enter the adolescent years. The world is a sparkling phenomena where everything seen on the television is something that has to be ours or there is no way that we can truly be satisfied without it. Before we are ready, the teenage years approach. We soon find that we have so many needs and we wonder how we are ever going to get through life unless we get that shiny car, and Friday nights off from our minimum wage job. We finally graduate from high school and it’s off to college we go. We focus on our mental and emotional development, building relationships and studying all night in a brand new environment. The only thing on our minds is what we want in life, where we’ll work when we graduate and how much fun we can have in the mean time.


The funny thing about life so far is that all we’ve seemed to do is receive. Half the time we receive without even thinking about the fact that we have just been given. The warm arms that soothe our crying at three in the morning are lovingly given to us by our parents. The toys and the warm days spent in the park are given to us by our parents who still remember what it was like to have that same experience as a child. So many of those things seen on TV that we ask for come into our possession on Christmas morning by parents who give all the credit to a magical man in a red suit. In the teenage years the freedom of a vehicle and gas to fill it are graciously given to us by the two people who love us most. Finally, the freedom to leave the house and experience a whole new world of joy, pain, sorrow, and love are given to us. The beauty in it all, however, is that through this entire adventure that we call life, our parents gave us one more thing that is so easily overlooked. They gave us the gift of giving. We’ve experienced it our whole life, and now we get to do what they did. Give and give freely.

patience

From time to time, we can get the urge to have answers now. As if our whole lives depended on having an answer or getting a response immediately. Not having something when we want it, whether it is an answer, an update, a webpage to load, or even just a simple response to a text message, can absolutely put us in a sour mood. It frustrates us, makes us anxious, and can sometimes drive us into paranoia. It seems like when we get a thirst for something, we can't rest until that thirst has been quenched. Why is that?

Why can't we just let things go? Why can't we wait a few hours, a few minutes, or even a few seconds? Why do we need answers, responses, and satisfaction immediately?

I've tried to calm the thirst. I've tried to be more patient. But it's easier said than done. There's something about needing that satisfaction of a response or an answer that will eat away at my inmost being and not let me rest until I've been answered.
But then, what is real peace and rest? Isn't it being satisfied and having the answers that we desire so much and knowing that at whatever moment that we feel peace we are not waiting for anything?

So basically, In order for myself to feel peace, I must satisfy my need for answers, responses, and whatever else is bothering me. There's got to be a better way to find satisfaction.

It seems that I may have been looking for ways that I can provide myself with peace. Maybe instead of looking to satisfy myself, I can look to satisfy others. Maybe if I stop looking inwardly and stop so much of my concern to fulfill my needs, I can try to fulfill the needs of others. Maybe that can provide me with peace...maybe.

Thank you America

So I'd like to start this one out by saying thank you. Thank you to the generation before mine. Thanks to the one before that. This country was founded on principles of life, liberty, the pursuit of happiness, and a free market economy. That was America. If you had motivation, perseverance, a little creativity and some good old fashioned dedication, you could become one of the most successful people in this country. Of course, you might fail. But therein lies the beauty. You can take a risk and make a fortune, or lose it all.

So what happened? When did we lose the desire to become successful on our own self-esteem? Why do we look to a massive government to solve our problems? When our fathers first founded this country, they had to solve problems themselves. Now we ask our "all-knowing" government to solve them for us. Is that OK? Answer for yourself. Personally I'd like to think that I could make it on my own creativity, ingenuity, and problem-solving capabilities.

The generations before mine reached out, whether for the better or for the worse, and asked for a bigger government that could help them with their problems. It just wasn't fair, I suppose, that those who worked really hard, were extremely creative, and built strong relationships got so successful. Everyone should have a piece of the pie that they were enjoying, and who could provide that delicious pumpkin pie? The government. Well they are providing now. At least they are claiming to be providing. I hope they can.

But here's a question that I've been asking: What if I don't want all the pie that it is giving me? What if I've had my fill, and frankly, it's OK with me if the government backs down, cuts the ties, and lets me be a real man. Maybe at one point we needed our huge government. But what if we don't need it anymore? It has always been so gracious as to give us everything we ask for; but what if we ask it to stop giving? Will it back down? Looking into history and seeing the nature of men with great power makes me nervous. I suppose time will tell.